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Ito
Fuyu longed for the day he'd become an adult . . . But little did he know just how dull and tedious his life would be.
He used to think becoming an adult would be a huge upgrade, like leveling up in a game, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He often found himself wishing things were as simple as they were when he was a kid—
Like how he could simply run away from unpleasant things, or didn't have the need to manage expectations of himself or others.
He even wished he could make friends as easily as he could back then.
If their relationship had been as innocent and straightforward as in their youth, they could have become respectable people.
Had they set up the right boundaries, they could have built a beautiful relationship.
They could have complained about their bosses, played co-op video games, and discussed movies they wanted to see together.
They could have celebrated their romantic relationship and marriage.
That was the kind of relationship Fuyu and Ito should have had.
***
Fuyu believed that it was all over the moment meals had started becoming an afterthought.
With that in mind, he began buying lunch from food trucks at least once a week during weekdays.
Beneath his company’s office building were several food trucks lined up along the street, which attracted small queues by lunchtime. Since the building housed other companies, the lines had people in a variety of attire.
Some wore crisp suits, while others dressed casually, as if they were taking the day off and heading to the aquarium for a date.
Most of the latter were from the same company, recognizable at a glance by the employee badges around their necks. Adorning them were characters from a particular gaming company.
Fuyu was one such employee, though his clothes gave the impression he was popping over to a convenience store rather than going on a romantic excursion.
Standing at the end of the line for a roast-beef bowl with a somewhat refreshed expression, he sensed someone standing behind him—likely a woman.
With a slight turn, he snuck a quick glance at her face.
Then he froze.
Ito?
Fuyu?
The woman looking up from her phone was indeed Ito.
Her eyes were wide with surprise. They glanced at each other's employee badges simultaneously.
Her badge bore the logo of an architectural consulting firm, the same company she had mentioned during their last drink together before graduation.
You work here too?
I do . . . I hadn't noticed that you did as well.
Yeah, we moved to this building in April.
Oh, no wonder I've been seeing more people in casual attire!
Despite their complicated past, Ito's face showed genuine happiness. Her beautiful, nostalgic smile almost brought a tear to Fuyu's eye. He couldn't help but smile back.
Ito was dressed in a blouse, a checkered vest, and a skirt—your standard office attire. Her brown hair was secured with a barrette, and her makeup gave her a mature look.
Before he knew it, he had reached the front of the line.
He placed his order. While waiting for the food to be prepared, he gathered his courage and asked Ito if she'd like to join him for lunch.
Want to eat together? There's a bench over there.
Oh, I'm with someone from work. Sorry . . .
Ito glanced at another food truck, where her colleague was lined up.
Fuyu kept a cheerful facade to hide his disappointment. He was about to say it was fine, but Ito spoke before he could.
But if you're feeling it, why don't we go out for drinks tonight?
Um, sure . . .
He stammered, then immediately retracted his answer.
Wait, actually . . . I have to work overtime today. Maybe another time?
No problem. Then how about . . .
They made plans to go out for drinks.
As they parted ways, Fuyu noticed Ito was still smiling, even when she waved goodbye and left.
Once he was inside the elevator, relief and joy washed over him.
Going out for drinks with your ex while wearing something you threw on haphazardly wasn't ideal, but for Fuyu, it all worked out in the end.
***
Fuyu Yamase broke up with Ito Minase three years ago, just before the summer of their senior year at university.
They were together since the summer of their freshman year as members of the Science Fiction Club.
Ito herself was a reminder of those carefree days, and of the intimate relationship they had shared.
Job hunting and differences in values lead to their eventual breakup. Fuyu, however, never grew to dislike her. In fact, he broke up with her because he didn't want to start disliking her.
Thus, he was over the moon with this chance reunion. The lack of awkwardness suggested that Ito was just as happy to see him again.
It had been three years since he and Ito had drinks together. Now at the age of twenty-four, they were both working adults.
And that meant there was more to expect from one another, as well as the possibility for ulterior motives.
They may have been exes, but things were different now. Still, it was only natural for him to consider all the possibilities for this outing.
Regardless, Fuyu waited for Ito in front of the station.
Sorry to keep you waiting, Fuyu!
Ito weaved her way through the crowd. She was in a white, knitted top and a leaf-green, flared skirt. It's no surprise her style and color sense had matured since they were college students.
This seafood place is a good choice. I heard it has great sake.
Hopefully it's to your liking?
If you chose it, then I have no doubt it'll be great.
Hmm . . . The Ito I know wouldn't put that much faith in me.
Perhaps it was because it was a Friday night, or because she had always loved drinking, but Ito seemed livelier than usual. Despite her professional attire, her way of speaking hadn't changed a bit.
Nonetheless, Fuyu felt like he needed to show her how he had changed.
To start, he had booked the nicest place he knew.
But he felt nervous, strangely enough.
This is so good!
After taking a single bite, a big smile brightened Ito's face. Then she took a sip of her sake.
They were at a traditional Japanese restaurant, where one could enjoy the freshest sashimi and the best-quality sake. The atmosphere itself was elegant, but casual enough to be filled with the jovial chattering of customers throughout the establishment.
You have good taste in restaurants. You come here often with coworkers?
Not really . . . But I have been here before.
Fuyu did his best to give a vague answer.
He had only been to the restaurant once with a girl he met on a dating app. One thing lead to another, however, and she ended up paying for the expensive meal. He couldn't bring himself to contact her again after that. He still kicked himself for the blunder every time he remembered it.
So how's work? What are you doing now?
I'm an assistant director for a social network game.
He mentioned the game's title to Ito.
No way!
She sounded very impressed.
I've seen the commercials for it. That's amazing!
It might be cool, but the job itself could be better. I'm just a mediator, if anything goes wrong, really.
Of all the things he could talk about, why did he bring up a work issue?
Fuyu stopped himself from saying any more on the matter. He didn't want to talk her ear off with complaints.
So . . . Have you been meeting up with anyone from our old club?
Occasionally, yeah. With Omi and Haru.
Oh, so the lady trio is still going strong, huh?
Well, I don't see them as much as I used to. Both of them are pretty close with their boyfriends now.
Boyfriends.
Just as Fuyu was about to dive deeper into the topic, Ito asked him a question.
What about you, Fuyu?
Lead back to the topic at hand, Fuyu had no choice but to answer.
Not often, but every year, I go on a trip with some of the guys. It's usually me, Uchida, Ueki, and Yamada.
How nice! I bet you guys have some fun stories.
Fuyu found Ito to be the more interesting one here.
Speaking of Yamada . . .
As Ito spoke, Fuyu's mind drifted.
Did she have a boyfriend now? Or someone she was into? How many guys had she dated since they broke up? He desperately wanted to know. Well, maybe not that last part. It would probably be too painful for him to know.
Since Ito had invited him out, there was a possibility she was single.
But if she only saw him as a friend, it might not matter.
At the end of they day, they were still each other's exes. They couldn't pretend that their history together didn't exist.
Still, anything could happen. Who knows? Perhaps he and Ito could rekindle a love long lost . . .
Numerous thoughts circled relentlessly in Fuyu's mind.
He felt like he was playing a fast-paced card game. He was desperately searching for an opportunity to slip in his ace of hearts and win her over with some flirting.
But before he could make his move, something happened.
Ow!
Hey, what's wrong?
Sorry, it's nothing. Just been having some eyestrain lately.
A sharp pain pierced the area behind his eyes, likely due to staring at a screen each day. It's happened a handful of times over the past few weeks, but he hadn't paid it much mind.
Ito reacted in a way he wasn't expecting.
Oh no . . . Have you been resting your eyes properly?
I'm fine, really. It usually goes away after some sleep.
But if it's recurring, it could be serious! Here, take this.
With a look of concern, Ito handed him a disposable heated eye mask.
He was taken aback by how worried she was.
Then a thought occurred to him.
Huh? Was it always like this when we talked?
Fuyu's most memorable memories with Ito when they were dating were the spontaneous conversations they'd have.
No matter what they talked about, they'd always have something to say and would chat for hours on end.
He had always loved her unique perspective, as well as the way she phrased things.
Ito liked that he wasn’t just a good listener but would often respond with thoughtful gifts like sweets. He still didn’t fully understand it.
The two of them were able to hop from one topic to another.
The three years they had spent together were filled with hours of conversations, jokes, and banter.
And yet, why did Fuyu feel like he was being rushed? Why was he clutching his ace of hearts for dear life?
It slowly dawned on him that he may have made a mistake.
Eyestrain is often caused by stress, you know?
Is that so . . .
Yeah, it worries me. You looked really tired when I saw you during lunch.
Really?
Really. I spent the rest of the day wondering if you were OK. I hope you have someone you can talk to about your troubles . . .
Fuyu studied Ito's expression.
He searched her eyes, and found that she was genuinely worried.
She'd been nothing but considerate ever since they reconnected.
Once he acknowledged that, he felt he didn't need to be so nervous around her. And with that feeling came a strong sense of embarrassment.
What was he getting excited about? What exactly was he hoping for?
How could he be so inconsiderate of her?
Damn it! I just want to delete those last five minutes.
Fuyu, you still there? Does it still hurt?
I'm feeling better now. I'm just . . . really happy.
Though flustered, Fuyu also felt an indescribable amount of joy.
Ito always had a good read on people. She even sensed the pain he never even brought up.
She was still as kind as ever.
To him, that was far more delightful than hearing her say she didn't have a boyfriend.
You're happy over a simple show of concern? Just what kind of cruel world are you living in?
A faint blush crossed Ito's face as she spoke.
I mean . . . How do I say this? Talking to you makes me happy.
H-huh? Now you're just being silly.
What I'm trying to say is that talking to you feels like a game of Sevens.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm not stopping at the nine of diamonds, or anything.
Five years ago, you secretly went to the Creepy Creatures Exhibit alone without telling me. I haven't forgotten. I wanted to go with you.
Ah, I did stop at the nine of diamonds! And here I thought you were holding a grudge!
The two of them abruptly stopped themselves from getting any louder. Instead, they shared a quiet laugh.
Well, Fuyu? There must be a reason for your eyestrain right?
As I mentioned earlier, being an assistant director can get a bit overwhelming. I'm pretty much everyone's punching bag.
Ah . . . It's that situation where you put out one fire, but another immediately starts?
Exactly. The operations and the design team only think about themselves, while the higher-ups are too preoccupied with new projects to pay any attention to them. And just before I met up with you, the director told me, "It must be nice being an assistant. You have it easy."
Wow, that's harsh. No wonder you looked like you were on the verge of collapsing.
After that, complaints about his workplace came pouring out as if a dam had broke. He knew he shouldn't be sharing such things.
But Ito listened intently. In fact, she made thoughtful comments of her own in response to his struggles, which spurred him on.
Gradually, he stopped caring whether she had a boyfriend or not.
Perhaps this kind of relationship was better for them, he thought.
There was no need to be on guard, no need to put on airs. Their past allowed them to expose their vulnerabilities without shame. If they hadn’t dated, they probably would’ve been the best of friends.
The two of them vented about their bosses, talked about the games they could play together, and shared movies they wanted to watch.
At this point, Fuyu felt he could honor Ito's romantic relationships, if she had any.
He wanted to feel that way.
The next morning, Fuyu woke up in his bedroom.
But something was wrong. Very wrong. Ito was beside him, snoring softly in her sleep.
She was underneath the blanket. Her feet were sticking out, and her chest and neck were visible. Her skin was so fair and delicate like porcelain. The scene before Fuyu was like all those other times they shared a bed, way back in college . . .
Ow . . . !
A sharp pain struck him from behind his eyes, as if he had been stabbed with a long needle from the back of his head.
Ah . . .
Ito woke up. She languidly covered her exposed chest with the blanket and scanned the room. There was a look of dismay on her face.
Fuyu buried his face in his pillow, clutching his head. He couldn’t bear to face Ito or the situation he was slowly realizing they were in.
He mumbled to himself, soft enough that Ito couldn't hear.
Fuyu, you idiot . . .
Regret filled his entire being, so much so that he felt like dying on the spot.
This is the worst morning ever, Fuyu thought. He knew it was over between him and Ito.
Sevens
Fuyu and Ito had never been just friends.
They met at their club's welcoming party back in college. Even though they were barely acquaintances, it was love at first sight for Fuyu. Despite his clumsy attempts, they eventually started dating.
They skipped the stage of being friends and went straight to becoming lovers.
Fuyu never had close friends who were girls—
And as far as he could tell, Ito was similar when it came to guys.
Whether they could've managed a mutual friendship remained a mystery. Still, Fuyu thought it wasn’t impossible for them.
However, transitioning from exes to friends wasn't going to be easy. One misstep, and everything could fall apart.
Despite knowing this, Fuyu had committed a grave mistake. He ran an entire marathon of missteps.
Fuyu and Ito had a great time sharing anecdotes and venting about work the previous night. But when they left the restaurant, they figured they hadn't had enough time to fully catch up.
So they moved on to a second location, a bar near Fuyu's apartment that Ito was interested in, and drank some more.
The conversations they had mainly touched on their hobbies, especially the popular action game Ender Vice, commonly known as Envi. Ito hadn't played it yet, and listened intently to what Fuyu had to say about it.
The bar, however, closed earlier than they had anticipated.
That's when Fuyu had invited Ito over to his place.
He had a strong desire to keep talking about Envi with her. He thought to himself that if she stayed over, he could just sleep on the sofa.
Ito hesitated for a moment, but agreed.
They stopped at a convenience store along the way and bought drinks. Fuyu had gotten something particularly strong, partly to show off how well he could handle his liquor.
After playing Envi for about two hours, it happened.
The progression to that point of no return was either because Ito was also drunk, or because she felt she couldn't say no. If it was the latter, then Fuyu felt he was truly the worst. An irredeemable pile of trash.
While he wallowed in regret, Ito spoke up.
We did it, didn't we?
She gave a wry smile.
As Fuyu sat up and bowed his head to apologize, Ito gently stroked his hair.
I thought it would turn out this way when I agreed to come over.
Either it seemed she had already come to terms with it, or she was lying to make him feel better.
Still, he kept apologizing. He knew how poorly he had handled the situation after last night's incident, and for that, he felt he could never forgive himself.
After walking Ito to the train station, Fuyu returned home and tossed himself back onto his futon.
Sleep-deprived yet unable to sleep, he felt too drained to even stand up.
A painful hangover and self-loathing dominated his entire Saturday.
Back when they were dating, Ito disliked having sex when she was drunk.
She felt that everything said and done while intoxicated seemed insincere.
There was something she'd always say, no matter how sweet or gentle her tone was.
Do you really need alcohol to get into the mood?
She made it clear how much it turned her off.
If you're sober, then go ahead, Fuyu.
That was another thing she'd say, but with a mischievous, approving smile.
Yet, Ito would become unusually clingy when she was drunk, so they'd always end up doing the deed.
Afterwards, though Ito would shrug it off, the disappointment in her eyes made him feel guilty. Fuyu knew she wasn't trying to make him feel that way, but that didn't stop him from apologizing profusely.
Such sweet memories had transformed into sour ones in an instant.
She really hates me now . . . I just know she does . . .
Of course she did. Everything he had done last night would understandably make her despise him.
Still clinging to a sliver of hope, however, Fuyu thought of how to apologize.
Just then, he heard a chat notification. The sky outside his window was painted with the warm hues of a sunset.
Huh?
It was a message from Ito. Surprised, he opened it immediately.
I downloaded Envi!
Along with her message was a screenshot showing that the game had finished downloading.
Envi. The game they had talked about last night.
. . . ?
Fuyu tapped the user's profile picture. It was definitely Ito who sent the message.
Ito had shown a lot of interest in Envi the other night. Still, the timing of her message left him utterly perplexed.
He eventually messaged her back with what he felt would be a neutral response.
Oh.
He didn't want to steer this conversation anywhere negative.
Her reply came almost instantly.
Co-op play starts at level ten, right?
. . . ?
Still, he answered her question.
. . . That, and you need to clear the first chapter of the main story.
How long did that take you?
Maybe three or four hours?
OK, I'll get it done today!
Ito sent a sticker of a silly character striking some bizarre victory pose.
Fuyu responded with another sticker.
Did yesterday just . . . not happen?
***
Despite being perplexed by Ito's unusual cheerfulness given what happened the previous night, Fuyu had hope.
If by some miracle last night's incident could be reset and their relationship went on without issue, all the better. He had been ready for her to cut him off completely.
But now he was here thinking if she had already forgiven him, or if she didn't even care in the first place.
He couldn't let himself jump to conclusions. Mistaking it for the latter could lead to irreparable damage. Fuyu figured he was probably dumber than he thought he was.
Ito's next message came the following evening.
Hey, I'm totally stuck on this boss in the first chapter.
Since getting her job, Ito apparently hadn't even turned on a gaming console. She was always bad at action games, so he had anticipated she'd struggle with Envi, which wasn't known to go easy on newbies or casuals.
If you memorize the enemy's attack patterns, you'll get passed him.
I did, but dodging that spinning hammer attack is just impossible to get down.
You're probably staying too close to him.
How did you know?!
Texting eventually became a pain for Ito.
Call me! It'll be easier if we spoke.
And so they switched to a voice call.
It might've been because she was relaxing at home, but Ito's voice through the phone was very relaxed, which in turn, helped Fuyu feel less tense.
Fuyu, there's no way you finished this in three hours.
Well, I have been grinding games from this company for a while.
That's not fair. You're a cheat!
It's harder when you're drunk.
I've only had one beer, so I'm practically sober.
What kind of logic is that? And what do you mean practically?
The alcohol in one beer is just one beer's worth.
I think you're getting some facts mixed up. Are you sure you're sober?
He-he . . .
Ito snickered.
The silliness of their conversations hadn't changed.
It was all so nostalgic, amusing, and comfortable for Fuyu. He wanted to keep talking like this forever.
Speaking of beer, there’s this fancy craft-beer place in Shinjuku.
Oh?
Maybe we could go together sometime.
I don't think that's a good idea.
Fuyu had suddenly reached his emotional limit.
Despite his immediate refusal, Ito's voice remained cheerful and easygoing.
Hmm? Why's that?
I can't just pretend Friday didn't happen.
The thorn that had lodged in his heart was too large to ignore. It felt impossible to move forward without addressing it.
Fuyu wanted to be friends with Ito. He wanted to have a fun and pleasant relationship.
And deep down, there was a small hope that they might even be able to build something beyond that.
So of course, he had to deal with this thorn.
It was all his fault, and he was the one who couldn't let it go. He'd hate himself even more if he just pretended nothing had happened.
Fuyu, you still get stuck on the weirdest things, don't you?
An exasperated laugh left Ito's lips.
Most guys wouldn't worry about this kind of stuff, right?
Well, I would. Our relationship, our memories . . . They're special to me.
. . .
It's hard to put into words, but I want to do things right with you. I don’t want a half-hearted relationship or for there to be any bad blood. I want us to be able to say we're good friends now.
Fuyu tried to express the unsteady emotions swirling inside him as best as he could.
Whether Ito was listening intently or not, she gradually stopped responding.
That's why I want to apologize properly first. Then things can go back to normal.
But just as he was about to apologize, Ito spoke up.
No.
She stopped him. Her tone was firmer than before, and it gripped his heart tightly.
Don't apologize.
Huh? Why not?
It just feels . . . wrong.
Fuyu didn't quite understand what she meant, so he waited for her to continue. Since they were talking over the phone, he couldn't see her face, and that left him feeling especially uneasy.
Then, Ito spoke as if the floodgates had opened.
We can't always get everything right—that's life. Sure, I was a bit shocked at what we did, but I told you I expected it, right? I'm tired of all these ridiculous conventions and having a normal relationship.
Ito . . . ?
I'm tired of it all. Living normally . . . Give me a break. Integrity, love, marriage—I don't care about any of that.
Ito was being harsh.
That was a side he had never witnessed before.
Stop thinking about what's right and wrong. Having fun is enough, don't you think? Let's just be together because it feels nice. It'll be just like college.
Her voice, initially strained, now sounded like she was on the verge of crying.
Finally, in a fading whisper, she said something that would make Fuyu's heart skip a beat.
I wish I could go back, Fuyu . . . Back to the days when we were together. Can we do that?
. . .
From her words and tone, he could imagine what Ito's face looked like at that moment.
Fuyu also noticed something that would refuel his guilt.
It was peering at him from inside the work bag that was thrown onto the floor—
A disposable heated eye mask. The one that Ito had given him that night.
Why did she react so strongly to his eye pain back then? Why did she know so much about symptoms and causes of eye strain? Why did she carry around a heated eye mask?
Ito must have suffered from stress-induced eye strain as well.
While Fuyu was struggling with work, so was Ito.
Just like him, she was working to the point of exhaustion.
He should have asked her about it that night—about the things that were stressing her out.
Yet all he had done was talk about himself. The number of sins he had committed that night were beyond him.
But none of that mattered now. Well, it did matter, but what Ito needed from him now was not an apology.
We can.
Wait, really?
Yeah, let's do it. It'll be like the old days—no strings attached, no worries about work, no trouble with finding love . . . We'll just have fun.
It made sense when he thought about it. Why did they need to do things right all the time? Because society told them to?
At work, Fuyu was forced to be perfect, but why should he have to do the same with Ito?
The world is already unfair and crappy as it was—what's the point of acting proper when society was going to step on him anyway?
What Ito wanted was a relationship with no strings attached. She wanted to be with him because it simply felt good. Fuyu had no idea what form that would take later on.
But somehow, he didn't find himself caring about the future. What mattered was feeling happy now.
Let's set up a rule. If you you bring up our current situation, anything about what's right or wrong, or anything remotely about reality, you owe me a thousand yen.
After a brief silence, Ito muttered softly.
Promise me, OK?
Yeah, for the both of us.
Of course.
Then for now, let's start with me treating you to a thousand yen's worth of craft beer.
Deal!
After that, Fuyu went back to talking about their new rule.
Their conversation from a few minutes ago, as well as the events of Friday night, felt as if it had never happened.
The only important thing was the fact that he and Ito were simply chatting like old times.
Fuyu was curious about Ito's own struggles, but he didn't think that asking her was the right thing to do now. Maybe it was better for him not to know. If Ito didn't want to tell him, then maybe he shouldn't ask.
Playing Sevens with her was pointless. It was obvious what cards they were holding. And yet, they did the silly thing of pretending not to know what they both recognized, all for the rule that they set up.
Regardless, their game of Sevens was likely to continue for a while longer.
